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Vanni

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But Hollywood also needed a girl from the mean streets who never forgot she was from the mean streets, and that was Barbara Stanwyckthe Brassy Slut.

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That sentiment neatly described most of the roles Joan Crawford ever played at Metro: The Upperwardly-Mobile Slut is the kind that scrubs up well. Having a Brooklyn accent so thick, even Bugs Bunny couldn't understand her. They just like to have a fun time -- is that so wrong? You tell me one "Other Woman" who would get the sympathy she could garner from her audience, like she could. If you had range, you could play a saucy minx in Jezebeleven though you had bulbous eyes Queen Victoria would be proud of, like Bette Davis.

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They're usually not the girls who get candies and cards on Valentine's, but they ARE the ones guys fantasise about, all through their lives. The girl who might've slept her way to the top, but first she married the top -- boy wonder, Irving Thalbergproduction chief of MGM who recognised her talents as soon as he left her bedroom. But hang on a mo'.

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This is going to be a humpy ride! Heck, if she had sung an octave deeper, she'd be Barry White. Having slept with the entire University of Southern California men's college football team, just because, well, she wanted to.

Live with it!

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Poor Greta had "instruction manual" written all over her When you think of testosterone-driven sexual energy, you'd have to think of Marlene Dietrich as your slut of choice. I mean, jeez, no wonder she had to flee to Germany to star as the once, and eternal Lulu in those Pabst films. Yes, Norma Shearer was living testament that a slut need not be dirty to be desirable.

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Some of the slut archetypes listed here really get on some women's nerves. You heard me. Perhaps the Upwardly-Mobile Slut is a touch too independent to be the straight-marrying kind, but she certainly can give a man a run for his money, whilst they are together. Stand outside a Victoria's Secret shop this weekend, and check out the ladies coming out with a twinkle in their eyes. Erm, sorry, where were we again? She was the slut archetype that was virtually unknown until the heady free-for-all days of the Weimar Republic, when monocled girls took turns dancing with diaphanous creatures in Berlin nightclubs, some of them females.

She's a waitress NOW, but this girl has got something. Most of the hollywood who like that sort of thing look like this'ssamatter you? Bee-stung lipswhich by the big, I share, see? This brings us to another point about Lana Turner. That's a future Dream Slut out two-hundred bucks. She was a genuine outsider in the Hollywood system, able to translate such depths of tenderness in her roles, that her personality jumped straight out at you from the screen, a priceless quality to have. She disappeared when the talkies hit the big time 2.

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And why not? This is the gal guys dreamt of going to bed with, if only because they loved thinking of her scratching up their backs with those jungle-red nails. Actually, the Trashy Slut is not half bad, as far as sluts go. She's not the Good-Time-Girl Slut because she's got character. You never knew when you would get a peak or two. I suppose the reason Marlene Dietrich was better received by males as sex object, than say her MGM foreign rival, Greta Garbowas that Marlene Dietrich was the kind of woman who was butch enough to drink a man under the table, but also could be sexy in an aggressively kittenish type of way.

So now you know, guys. The Brassy Slut isn't quite the Trashy Slut, because she's ambitious. She was the It Girlwhich was slut and bathtub gin short-hand for a good-time girl. She played her role well with both men and women, who both gave the Upwardly-Mobile Slut plenty of affection on the big screen. This Canadian lass from Hollywood with the lazy eye, and hyper-theatrical persona was born to play the Biggest roles which Hollywood glamourised in the pre-Hays era.

Maybe it's because of her frank, ultra-modern face didn't particularly want to hide anything from men, that it took a special, brave kind of man to want this lulu of a Lulu.

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Unlike almost any other of the women listed below, she also might just be the only one presentable enough to be introduced to dear mama, or to be escorted to brunch at the country club. So guys, when you meet a Brassy Slut or two once in a while, remember, there's a heart of gold lurking underneath that crusty exterior. It screams, " I'm out for 1 'cause you lousy jerks don't care about me!

If you looked like a goddess but swore like a trucker, you could play ditzes in screwball comedies, like Carole Lombard. Why, they would've knifed Katharine Hepburn themselves if they could. Film critic Leslie Halliwell loved Barbara Stanwyck. She just had to project dirty with those bedroom eyes you see blazing at you above, 70 years ago.

That's not a piece of grit. Sort of like a Brigitte Bardot who knew her way around a harness. If you had a way about you, could handle a champagne flute, or a broomstick, you could play both the ingenue or the lead, like Ingrid Bergman.

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A good, old-fashioned, heart of gold, can teach you a trick or two, been around the block and backget yourself checked for crabs, two-fer Sundays, Heidi Fleiss List slut. And that would pretty much describe the original Blue Angel, Marlene Dietrich. And loves nothing better than to be admired in her bathwaiting for you to hand her your "loofah".

In the phrase of her day, she was some kind of dame. And she's not the Upwardly-Mobile Slut, because usually life is really hard on her, and rarely cuts her a break -- this is why her outward veneer is usually cold, and her tongue sassy. She was modern and slutty in ways even men weren't ready a woman to be in the '20s. Might be seated in less than ladylike poses. I enjoyed the bejesus-juice out of writing that, since it allowed my twin loves of movies and writing about, well, nothing to shine through.

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My readers will roll their eyeballs at me like a row of Marty Feldmans, and snicker, " There goes that Vic again. She was one of those sluts that both men and women liked. Polite to a fault with her fans whom she never forgot put her inside the clothes she wore so wellnever forgetting to send back an autographed glammed up photo, she knew the recipient could be a future Joan Crawford stuck in some rathole in Iowa.

But you can't write about actors, and not expect a companion piece about actresses to follow at some point, right? I thought about it even back then, and realised I just can't cough up another Top 10 list about elegant Hollywood actresses of the studio era. Here you go! Oh, right, St. Valentine's Day, 14 February So on this wonderful day devoted to love, I offer you something a little different.

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As an aside, Burger Nation is a good place to hang out, since their "Good Morning" post always features a sexpot du jourgone but never forgotten, at least not by them In this context, she's very much like the slut archetype she projected or was made to project, on screen -- the girl who might be a knockout, but perhaps a little too low-rent to be seen by your mama. She was that rarest of sluts too, she could show she had brains and men didn't hate it, but admired her for it.

She may be forced to buy from the Sears Roebuck catalogue now, but when the time comes, she'll be a knock-out wearing those Schiaparelli furs.

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By the way, the Italian version of the Trashy Slut will forever be Giuletta Massina in The Nights of Cabiria, with her loud "va fanculs" still ringing out proudly 50 years later. Not all guys have the same tastes, though -- some favouring one kind of slutty ho over the other, so in the spirit of the variety of spices, I offer you this seductively trashy list below.

That famous boy for one, influenced every girl from Darla of Our Gang fame, to years later, another Louise, this time House of Eliott, Louise Lombard -- that luscious Anglo-Irish actress for whom millions of men tuned into, even for this ultra-chick TV series.

Just remember, fellas, when she says no more wire hangers, she means it.

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Never mind that the story was more of a concoction than an ice-cream soda: Everyone fell for it, because it was a dream-like way to be plucked from obscurity to fame -- Horatio Alger with tits. One can really see her going from rags to riches on my arm, and maybe she's just the gal I need to help me do it. The Trashy Slut is always showing a little too much leg. From "the other woman" roles, to "the divorced woman" roles, to "saucy high society deb" roles, to a libidinous and almost unrecognisably affable Marie AntoinetteNorma Shearer was THE perfect slut for her time.

With apologies to Bette Davis too Yankee to be a slut"Fasten your seatbelts! Brooks, big around 60 years-old, wrote her Congressman a letter asking him to help her to ban Valium in the US, because it took away the desire to pleasure oneself, from a woman I did not know that actually. By now, everyone on earth worth their Oscars statuette salt knows the story of how she was "discovered" -- seated at the lunch counter at Schraft's, wearing an angora sweater so tight, the Hollywood agent almost fell over his banana sundae.

And that's what Good Time Girls did back then. So, I thought and thought, and thought, then realised I should maybe tie this in with Valentine's Day : That most traditional of days when love, heady love, is in the air, everywhere I look around, love is in the air, every sight and every hollywood, the Love Boat exciting and new! Always with the elegance. For the opposite of love is lust, and you can't have lust without a good slut. That it wasn't true is beside the point. Joan Crawford, in her heydey, was one of the most alluring, glamourous sluts in the firmament known as Hollywood.

But I suppose reality has never intruded into a male's sexual fantasies, especially since on rare, festive occasion you get a looker who just happens to swing both ways. Heck, she was the girl everyone rooted for to win, in the chick-film to end all chick-films, The Women.